The courage to change

I have been doing song therapy of late, I take a song that inspires me and find out what I like about it and observe how I feel and try to help myself with whatever good or bad. I am also trying to get to know myself more and more. I read somewhere that this form of therapy is great for reducing stress’ common negative side effects, such as emotional and behavioral problems.

I have been hooked onto a couple of songs of late and the first is the courage to change by Sia and I really hope I have the courage to change. The first time I listened to this song I felt like maybe i was not trying to change. I felt like I enjoy being in pain and my pain defines me. I have started to identify myself as that pain. My identity is rooted in my trauma and the older I get the more i feel but honestly I feel like even if I am making efforts to get over it I always bring myself back here in this hole again and again.

Have I the courage to change?

It is a good question that has been stuck in my head for the past 5 days now and I feel so very conflicted. I think I do not have the courage to change since I am comfortable here. In my sadness and tears because that is all that I have ever known and letting go of it who am I going to be. What will my story be like? Can I really be happy? Do you think someone like me can ever be happy? Do I deserve happiness? What if there is no end to it all after all my efforts? Can I really forget it all and create an environment that makes me happy? Can I live in happiness and positivity what If I discover that it was all but a bubble? What will I do when that bubble pops out? These questions I have asked endless times so far but like I mentioned before maybe I do not have the courage to change after all.

I need to summon all my energies and strength and have faith, hope and the courage to change and find my true self independent of my trauma… and most importantly I need the courage to change for myself and my well being. To find my purpose and take good care of myself daily, to watch the rain and have a good feeling of a new start or to think of life and not destruction. Wouldn’t that be great!!!!!!

World, I want to leave you better
I want my life to matter
I am afraid I have no purpose here
I watch the news on TV
Abandon myself daily
I am afraid to let you see the real me
Rain it falls, rain it falls
Pouring on me
And the rain it falls, rain it falls
Sowing the seeds of love and hope, love and hope
We don’t have to stay here, stuck in the weeds

Sia lyrics – the courage to change

I know I am not alone in all this!!!!

I can do anything!!!!

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